Seifer: Birth Of A God
by Vincent Loneheart
Summary: Seifer and the posse are penniless and in need of a source of income and glory....


Seifer- Birth of A God  
-By Vincent Loneheart  
  
The marina breeze settled gently on his skin and the water moved ever so slowly. It was a quiet day overall. Not even Raijin had caught anything. This surprised him seeing as it usually was his duty to get lunch for them all.  
Seifer: I know what we need, a little action.  
Fujin: AGREED.  
Raijin: Yeah, but how? We ain't got no money ya know.  
Seifer: I know that. We have had to eat fish morning, noon and night for like a week..  
Fujin: SICK.  
Seifer: That's why I've been thinking. Seeing as how we can't go back to Garden.....  
Raijin: Why ya know? Me and Fujin did nothin' wrong.It was all your fa....  
Fujin: QUIET!!!!  
And inevitably came the swift kick and he hit the Dollet water with a   
splash.  
Seifer: That's why I think I have an idea to get a little money and have a little fun.  
Fujin: LISTENING...  
  
Meanwhile, at Balamb Garden, the SeeDs were still revelling in their   
victory. All hush though as Cid enters.  
Cid: SeeDs. Today we received disturbing news from Esthar that there has been spotted a convergence of monsters at the Centra Valhalla Structure.  
Squall: The place we got Odin and Tonberry.  
The bemused look leaves Zell's face and he begins to understand the place Cid is talking about.  
Cid: Anyway, Esthar intelligence in the sky indicates the monsters are   
coming together at the tower.  
Quistis: Like the Lunar Cry?  
Squall: NO OF COURSE NOT, YOU STUPID WOMAN!!! Ummm....The Lunar Cry was caused by gravimetric forces acting between the moon and the Earth causing the monsters to fall.  
Quistis: So what if the moon was calling them back somehow?  
Squall: SHUT UP, YOU SILLY TART!!!  
Zell: Yeah, I'm the one who says stuff without thinking it through.  
Quistis: MEANY!  
Rinoa: Hey quit stealing my line you bimbo.  
Quistis: Mega bummer.  
Selphie: Hey!!!  
Quistis: Hey, c'mon. Can't we all just kiss and make up?  
Irvine: Listen here you.......  
Quistis: .................  
Squall: Right Quistis, get out and come back when you have something   
original to say. Honestly, I don't know why I took you to the moon. Next time I'm taking Selphie.  
Selphie: Whooo hooooo!!!  
  
The five remaining SeeDs board the Ragnarok.  
Squall: Hey. There's supposed to be five of us. Where's Selphie and Irvine?  
Rinoa: Umm....they said they weren't coming.  
Squall: ..............  
Rinoa: They said that seeing as you only ever had me and Zell in your team, they may as well skip off to town.  
Squall: Whatever.  
  
Minutes later, they arrive over the derelict structure on the Centra continent.  
Squall: Okay, we're here, so where's the.....HEY!!!! Where'd you two go?   
Rinoa? Zell? Huh?  
He picks up a little note by the cockpit.  
Squall: "Squall, sorry. Couldn't be bothered today. Waste of time. Used the autopilot. Escaped at FH. Have fun. Love Rinoa." Well, I'll be........  
  
As Squall entered the tower, he was surprised at the lack of resistance. He didn't have the Diablos junction, that was Quistis, so it couldn't be Enc-none taking effect. What was going on? As he walked on up the decrepit staircase, he noticed a whole horde of Tonberry and Forbidden at the top. He readied his Lionheart......  
Squall: What the hell!?!?!?  
Tonberry Horde: Oooooooooooohhhhh.....  
Squall: What is Seifer doing up there?  
He made his way through the mass of diminutive green men. He was just amazed at Seifer at the front. He was striking poses for the benefit of the Tonberry with flash photography!!!! First it was the battle pose. Then has looking down the barrel of his gunblade. A Statue of Liberty pose? Oh yeah, he did that during the sorceress parade didn't he?  
Squall stopped and looked around. He just couldn't believe his eyes!!!  
Raijin: Get your mini Seifer trench coats here. Custom made for today's   
Tonberry! It has the arm cross and everything. Only 10000 gil!!!  
Fujin: HYPERIONS. MINI. CUSTOM. GIL. WANT. GIVE.  
Squall: What on Earth are you two doing!?!?  
Raijin: Oh hey Squall. What you doing here? We're selling the official   
Seifer summer collection merchandise.  
Squall: Why are you here, other than selling cheap Seifer stuff? Oh forget it. How much are those Hyperions Fujin?  
Fujin: WANT?  
Squall: Maybe, how much?  
Fujin: TONBERRY. 120000. YOU. 180000.  
Squall: Why you charging me extra!?!?  
Fujin: HAGGLE.  
Squall: Oh yeah. Selphie took Tonberry when she went shopping didn't she? Damn.  
Fujin: STILL WANT?  
Squall: Nah, it'll be ex stock in the winter and I'll get 'em on the cheap then.  
Squall remembers Seifer. Seeing as how Raijin and Fujin had gone back to selling their wears, he thought he'd find out what was going on straight from the ex sorceresses knight himself.  
Raijin: Hey Fujin! You see that Tonberry there?  
Fujin: AFFIRMATIVE.  
Raijin: Look at it. He has a mini-hyperion but he's still wearing that brown coat. Why didn't he get a mini Seifer one from me? It can't be cos he can't afford it!!!  
Fujin: ............SALESMANSHIP.  
  
In the meantime, Squall has made his way to the front of the crowd. Seifer is still posing for pictures while kissing bald Tonberry babies. Squall is still in a state of shock at the mob behind him.  
Tonberry Horde: Ooooooooooooohhhhh  
(The sound is almost like in Toy Story with those weird machine toys ya know. "The Claw moves" 'n' all. You getting what I'm saying?)  
Squall is frozen to the spot. Luckily Seifer eyes him from the crowd and leaves his podium to grab him by the shoulder. Squall comes out of his trance in a hurry.  
Seifer: Hey there buddy, what you doing here?  
Squall: I was about to ask you the same question.  
Seifer: Well, wait for me in Odin's throne room. Don't worry, the code is 71022. I'll only be a minute.   
Squall exits the scene and walks to the Odin throne room.  
  
Squall must have been waiting over a half hour before Seifer finally made an appearance.  
Seifer: Sorry to keep you waiting. Those guys out there just can't get   
enough.  
Squall: Whatever. Why are you here and what is going on?  
Seifer: Gee, you are just fulla questions now aren't you?  
Squall: Let me guess. You're here to build an army so you can extract   
revenge on me and SeeD?  
Seifer: What? No, of course not.  
Squall: Well, tell me what's going on.  
Seifer: Oh all right. It's like this. I am the new god of gods.  
Squall: .......................  
Seifer: No, really, I am. They worship me here.  
Squall: Why!?!  
Seifer: Well, it's pretty obvious isn't it? I killed Odin with one blow.  
Squall: We beat Odin as well, and drew 100 triples each, and stole a Luck-J scroll!!!  
Seifer: Yeah, well you were just showing off. I told them that I was your nemesis and the Tonberry...  
Squall: We beat the Tonberry king for Hyne's sake!!!  
Seifer: Yeah, you stole their King and ruler. They hate you. In fact, you know who's been running the joint over the past few weeks?  
Squall: I don't wanna know.  
Seifer: Well I'll tell you anyway. This well bad ass Elnoyle had been   
walking round like he owned the joint. Me and my posse quickly showed him the door though.  
Squall: ....................  
Seifer: Don't worry, everything's sorted. I kicked out all the loser Bombs and Buels and sent them back to the Fire Cavern where they belong. As for the Blobra, they moved out too.  
Squall: Where'd they go?  
Seifer: Fishing in Balamb.  
Squall: WHAT!?!?!?!? The residents'll be petrified!!!!  
Seifer: I know. It would be so funny to watch that happening.  
Squall: Whatever. Anyway, just what is happening now? Are you gonna live here?  
Seifer: Of course. The rent's low and we have all the chefs we need in the world.  
Squall: I don't get any of this.  
Seifer: Well, whatcha gonna do eh? So how's it been for the love birds?  
Squall: Rinoa wants a baby.  
Seifer: No way! Well, here then, let me get you off on the right foot.  
Squall: Complimentary mini Seifer gear?  
Seifer: Yeah, just think, you could have a baby that grows up to be just like me.  
Squall: Oh god no!!! I can't take this stuff.  
Seifer: How come?  
Squall: Firstly, Rinoa isn't pregnant yet and if I bring home baby clothes I'll look too eager and that just isn't me ya know? Next, why on earth would I want my kid to look like you?  
Seifer: Hey!! I resent that remark.  
Squall: Whatever. I've got to report to the Headmaster about all this.  
Seifer: Oh, one last thing. You are coming to Knightfest 2000 aren't you?  
Squall: ....................  
Seifer: C'mon, why not? You could bring Rinoa and the whole Scooby gang and have a good time.  
Squall: What is it?  
Seifer: Oh, didn't you see the flyers as you came in? It's a rock concert in honour of my coronation.  
Squall: Who's playing?  
Seifer: Well, the FH Hippy Bus Band will be performing along with a load others from Shumi, Galbadia and basically all over the world. We even have a female Forbidden band playing called the McBeal's.  
Squall: Why they called that?  
Seifer: Because they're all bones.  
Squall: Right........I'll tell the others.  
Seifer: I look forward to seeing you Squally Boy!!  
Squall: ................whatever.  
  
As he boarded the Ragnarok, he looked around.  
Squall: Rinoa! Zell! I thought you got off at FH?  
Zell: Nah, we lied so you wouldn't look for us. We hid in the airlock.  
Rinoa: So what was going on?  
Squall: I have no idea really. You have to see it to believe it.  
Zell: I'm bored.  
Rinoa: Yeah, me too. Let's go back to Garden.  
Squall: Wait, when someone says you gotta see it to believe it, you usually get all fussy and demand I take you back there. What's going on?  
Rinoa: Let's face it Squall. The whole story has been about you and Seifer and quite frankly I'm sick of it.  
Zell: Uh-Huh. Me too.  
Squall: ....................  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


End file.
